Eric Whitton

Once upon a time... when we were very young, too young to think for ourselves, too dependent to change the circumstances, and too small to know better, we were faced with big people, usually parents, who looked after us in certain ways and told us what to do and how to be – some good, some not so good for us. We figured out with our Little Professor (the intuitive part of our Child ego state) the best way for us to get through that experience. Depending on what kind of people they were, our parents gave us messages about ourselves and others, some helpful, some unhelpful or destructive. We didn’t know any better then, so we believed them whether we liked it or not. So we adapted to suit or frustrate them.
And so we began to write our script – the story of our life. By the age of five the basic outline had been written. Then it had to be rehearsed and refined at stages in our development until adolescence when it was ready to be performed with other people to act out the parts.
Based on that early experience we made certain decisions about ourselves and other people, which we have made into a pattern for life.
Depending on what you made of the way your parents behaved towards you, one another and others in and around the family, you also formed a view of the world – which left you with a number of possible decisions:-
– It’s a good world, someday I’ll make it better
– It’s a bad world, someday I’ll get my own back by doing something bad
– It’s a mediocre world, where I do what I have to do and have fun in between
– A tough world which I have to put up with or resist
– A hard world where I bend or struggle to keep going or a dreary world where I sit around hoping or a futile world, where I give up.
Although these can be changed in later life, for some people these remain fixed, and a plan is devised to last for life. If that’s the way things are, and this is who I am ... then this is how I’m going to live.
Survival Kits
For the first few months and years you had little or no control over the influences on your life. Even now they are so strong that they still affect your life and choices. But somehow you got through in your own way.
You knew from the beginning what felt good and bad for you, but you were too small to change the setting of your birth. You couldn’t pack your bags and go and find another family. So you had to accept what was given.
However, even at the earliest age you knew that you could do something about it. You could let on with sounds which mostly got a better response. You cried and got held. You smiled and were praised. But you learned that you couldn’t get some things, for example, you cried and didn’t get held. And some things weren’t allowed so you adapted. That kept you safe. You gave up something. But you had to survive and get your needs met in the best way you knew how. The fact is that in spite of either ideal parenting or appalling abuse, people seem to use these experiences for or against themselves in some way independently of the conditions of their childhood.
Some of my clients have been through years of living with parents who constantly assaulted them, and although this has had some detrimental effects, they have come through remarkably well. They have become loving parents, successful or creative in their lives. Others seem to have been well cared for by parents who were interested in them, and yet run themselves into hurtful relationships or lacked purpose in life. It seems there is not always a direct connection with the conditions in which they grew up. I believe that we all have a secret self which says “No matter what you do to me, you’ll never get me”. The treatment we got does not necessarily predict the outcome. Whatever messages our parents gave us, we made our own unique response.
We are not the victims of our parents. Whatever they said or did, the child has the power to accept or reject their messages. So, lifescripts are written by us in order to survive. The way each of us got through indicates our individual power within the situation to choose. With that we able to make new decisions about the way we live.
Excerpts from “What is TA?” by Eric Whitton Gale Publications
For further details see the publications page.

© Eric Whitton 2000